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Talk:Axel Drakon/@comment-4666155-20140505180710
Alright, xslasher. Sit down, because Darkrai-sensei is about to begin the lecture. Get out your textbooks, keep your butt locked in that desk; remedial lessons have now begun. This entire article is going to need a re-haul, in both grammar and formatting. Kudos to you for using an infobox, but that is the only thing done properly here. Let's start with the introductory paragraph, shall we? Axel Dragoon,is a 3rd generation Fire Dragon Slayer,Commonly known as Burning will,He is a mage of the famous Hydra Head Guild.Also he's foster father is Burnurium who taught him how to read, fight and his magic.He has no other siblings or family that he knows rather than Burnurium who dissapeared on X777.Axel's dream is to become the strongest mage in the world and helping people in need.He frist was taught fire dragon slayer magic and then implanted lacrima on his body.Axel shows great friendship for his friend exceed Rex. I'm going to go off on a limb and assume English is not your first language, so I'll try and be easy on this. The entire paragraph is done poorly. To start, the introductory paragraph should have his name in bold, followed by the Japanese in a set of parentheses. Parentheses are ( ) those. The beginning should read: Axel Dragoon (アクスエル ドラグーン Akuseru Doragūn). That is also the correct rōmaji of his written name in Japanese. I'm not entirely sure where you got "Axello Dragoone" from, but the Japanese don't use the "L" sound; it's generally replaced with an "r" sound. "Alice" for example would be pronounced "アリス arisu". Also of note, so you can make this distinction later; what we've used here is katakana; foreign words that lack a Japanese counterpart, such as "salad", are written in katakana; salad, for example, is "サラダ sarada". Kanji is proper Japanese lettering, and is what you would see written in a series like BLEACH, where accurate Japanese is used more heavily; example "月牙天衝 Getsuga Tenshō". It has its origins in Chinese writing. I can't give a lesson on Japanese though, I'm not an expert, my knowledge is limited, and my work shit starts in less than an hour. Getting back to the article at hand, though. The entire article needs to be rewritten with proper spacing and punctuation. Your introductory paragraph is a huge example: "Axel Dragoon (アクスエル ドラグーン Akuseru Doragūn) is a Third Generation Fire Dragon Slayer, and a member of the Hydra Head Guild. Known as the Burning Will (バーニング ウィル Bāningu Wiru) due to his elemental magic, he is the foster son of Burnurium, a Dragon who took the young boy in and taught him how to read, write, and utilize magic." This is actually all you need for an introductory paragraph; the rest of the details can go in your character's history section; that's what it's for. I might suggest a better name than "Burnurium"; try and be creative, even "Igneel" is creative. Import things to note; words, punctuation, etc, all require spaces. Writing a sentence that looks like this.Won't get you anywhere. See that? No space after the period (full-stop). Also, unless it is the name of a person, place, or thing, nothing written after a comma requires capital letters. Your abilities section needs a reworking as well. There is absolutely no detail to it, and no focus on anything other than his Dragon Slayer Magic. Given that you don't list speed, he must be slower than a sloth. No durability? So he's a Glass Cannon. Sanjo Vista is a great article to look at to address the formatting issues of an abilities sections. After you re-work this article, come to me again. Until then, xslasher, it's too early for you to speak of Dual Element Slayer Mode.